Sunday, November 1, 2009

Sometimes it gets really hard to live life in the moment rather than anticipating something in the future. You know, like a child on Christmas Eve. You can't sleep at all and your heart just pounds inside your chest from the excitement of what is to come the next morning. You picture yourself waking up in the morning and running up to a tree full of presents to be opened. It always took me forever to fall asleep those nights, even though the parents would threaten that if I was not asleep by midnight, Santa would pass right over the house. Thats exactly how I feel right now. So full of anticipation and excitment for January to be here, but I know if I'm not careful, Santa is going to pass right over my house, sort to speak.

Like I mentioned before, I am moving to Sweden in January to play professional volleyball and as the time is swiftly approaching, it can't get here fast enough. Anyone who knows me knows that volleyball is a huge passion in my life. Volleyball is so much more than just a sport to me. It is the only place where things make complete since to me. Life can be so chaotic, full of questions and frusturations, but that all seems to go away when I'm on the court. When I'm on the volleyball court, the only thing on my mind is "how am I going to win!" There is a since of serenity I guess you can say.

Which is why I am so excited about January to be here! To get to play the sport I love, with the people I love (I will be joining my sister Marcie), and also get to live in a foriegn country, I couldn't ask for more! Now can you see how it is hard for me to live in the moment... but all I can do is keep plugging away day by day and live each day as it is my last :)

Monday, October 12, 2009

I get by with a little help from my friends... and family!

So, I have been down in the doldrums lately (yes this is coming from Miss Pollyanna, Marysunshine...). I sort of got into this downward spiral of feeling lonely, feeling sorry for myself for being lonely, spending time by myself so I could mope around feeling sorry for myself for being lonely, or my favorite, watching romantic comedies to cheer myself up, realizing I was watching them by myself, which in turn made me more depressed for being alone. Needless to say, I felt LONELY! I have always thought of myself as a strong, independent woman who doesn't need a man, but honestly, sometimes I can fall into the longing and wishing my Prince Charming would come along and sweep me off my feet. I feel so high school saying that, but I'm just being honest. I try so hard to be different and unique in so many ways, and yet like most people out there, I long to be loved! So bad that lately it has put me in this sickening, depressing mood of frusturation and anger, rather than my typical happy cheerful moods.

Now, this has been going on for two or three weeks now, off and on, ever since my sister, Marcie left for Sweden. I guess you could say, as Eiffel 65 put it, I was Blue daba de da! But thankfully, I have had a series of good events that have helped me snap out of it. Honestly, I look back and think "How Pathetic was I!" So, you might ask, "what could have possibly happened to make me snap out of this pouty, sulky, feeling sorry for myself trance that I have been in?". I think it is best summed up by a good ol' quote from The Beatles: "I get by with a little help from my friends". Yes, I said it, FRIENDS! And while I was way to busy sulking and pouting about being lonely, I realized that I forgot about all of the blossoming and beautiful friendships all around me, I just forgot to look.

It started yesterday, when I finally got to talk to a great friend of mine on the phone. She lives in Austin, and we have been playing phone tag back and forth for more than a few weeks now. We didn't get to talk for too long, I had to run off to work, but we got to do the good ol catching up. It was a "here is what I am doing," "here is what I am up too," "love you, miss you, talk to you soon" conversation, but it was so genuine and refreshing! Just one of those things that you check off in your mind as something to be thankful for!

Then, this morning I went and worked out with my oldest sister, Linda and another great friend of mine. We worked out and chit chatted in between huffing breaths while walking on the treadmill. After that, my close friend and I decided to grab a quick bagel for breakfast just to catch up, even if it was for 30 minutes (again, I had to run off to work). When we walked up to order, she went up to the bagel man to order her food in her normal, cheerful, smiley self kind of way, and I could just see her brighten the bagel guy's day! We talked, well, I did most of the talking, she listened a lot and expressed concern for me. Again, short, concise, genuine, and refreshing. Refreshing in the since that I walked with a little more bounce in my step the rest of the day.

This afternoon topped it off when I came home to my friend/roommate prancing around the house, singing to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack while cleaning up the living room. So glad to finally be seeing each other (yes, we are roommates) we decided to go out for some dessert! We both have such different schedules and we barely get to see each other, so we decided to make the most of our time together. We went out for dessert, decided that we were actually hungry for food, went and grabbed dinner, took it back to the house and ended the night watching our favorite chick flick of all times: The Notebook!

And now here I lie, by myself in my room, but I am starting to realize that I am not alone. I have people all around me that I love and who love me. How am I just now seeing that? I not only am blessed with wonderful friends, but I also have the most amazing family a girl could ask for. Yes, we are small, and we have our broken pieces as all families do, but our broken pieces fit together in the most special and delicate way. My mom, my brothers and sisters and I, we are all broken, but we have a bond that holds those pieces together.

One thing about my family is, no matter how far apart we get from each other I will always carry them with me. Each member has their own, personal, unique qualities that makes my life even that much better. Linda, no matter what, is willing to help in any circumstances, even if she doesn't get the credit for it in the end. William is so sensitive and caring and doesn't mind getting sentimental with me. My sister, Marcie works her butt off, but is also laid back and can always make a good time happen, and Vincent, who no matter what type of mood I am in, can always make me laugh and brightens my day. And then my mother, the soul of my being. No matter how lost and hopeless I get, I can always turn to her and she picks me up and carries me like a mother cat would carry her kittens. Laying here thinking about them, I can't help but to realize just how lucky I am. I am now starting to see that the whole dragging my feet through the mud, feeling sorry for myself act that I was doing was really quite stupid! I have a life full of blessings, I just had to open my eyes and see them!

So, I guess the take home message is this: No matter how rough you think you might have it at any particular time, there is always something bright to see, you just have to look at it. Yes, I know, it is a typical, cliche, "Don't worry, be happy" message that I am trying to get across, but everyone needs a little reminding of it from time to time. Even if no one else reads this, and it is only a reminder to myself, I guess it serves its purpose. So until next time... Don't Worry... Be Happy!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A little piece of me!

Hello World!

It is 10:25pm Wednesday night, and I decided for some particular reason that it was extremely important to start a blog tonight before studying for my precalculous test in the morning. I have been meaning to start a blog for ages, and of course I finally get around to it as I am trying to find as many inane items on my to-do-list to get done instead of studying for my test. Classic procrastination for ya... don't lie, 99.9% of people reading this post have been in my shoes. The other .1% are super overachievers and I have a message for you: get a life! I only say that because I wish sometimes that I had your dicipline :) but anyways, that is besides the point.

So I guess this is the part where I tell you a little bit about myself. Isn't that what these blog things are for anyways? To let the world see a little peice of you? So here it goes... a little piece of me.

I am currently a 5th year senior at Texas Christian University. I played volleyball on the team for all 4 years. Volleyball is my passion, right after God and my family. I have played volleyball since I was 9, that is if you don't include the times my brothers and sisters and I played balloon volleyball over the couch. If you include thoses times, I have been playing since I was about 5. Right now I am currently finishing up school and eagarly waiting for time to pass and for January to be here. In January, I will be moving off to Sweden to play professional volleyball with my sister, Marcie. But more on that later...

I grew up in Gainesville, Fl with my two younger brothers, William and Vincent, my older sisters, Linda and Marcie, and of course my wonderful mother, Kim. I am a vegetarian, I love my family, I love cats and ice cream, I love watching movies, I love people, I love laughing, I love to listen to music, and blah, blah, blah ok you get the point. I love my life! I have so much to be thankful for and I can't help but to smile at all the blessings around me! I know, I know, I can hear you muttering "Pollyanna" or "Mary Sunshine" through the computer, and maybe your sticking your finger in your mouth and thinking "gag me!" but I guess it is better than being called "psycho" or "lamo" or "meany" so I will take it as a compliment and run with it!

But anywho, I guess I should end the procrastination. I am proud to say that after I click on the "publish post" sign on my computer, I will pull out my to-do list and give "start a blog" a BIG check mark! I guess its time to check off more of these pointless, silly things on my list such as go through the huge pile of clothes on my bed. Or how about organizing all my dvds, or maybe sorting out all my earring? Thats super important right? And to think I was once a straight A student in high school... more to come soon!